marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
