hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?