Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.