my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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