I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.