if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I fill condoms, not promises.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.