Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.