I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?