i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
