And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
