Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
