I feel like abortions should bother me more
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
