We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
