If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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