Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
