am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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