I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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