I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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