Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have fence marks all over my body
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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