She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
