thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
