I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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