You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
