Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
