arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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