the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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