i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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