Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
