i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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