Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
