Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
