This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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