Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
