I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
someone owes me an orgasm
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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