She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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