I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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