Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
