don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
