i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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