Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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