New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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