it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
