i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
