"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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