So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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