We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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