remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
