So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
