I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
