would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
