So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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