My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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