At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so much tequila, so little girl.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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