Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
