so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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