I puked a lego.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
