My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cockslap morals
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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