Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
