my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
