So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
