I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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