if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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