I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
