you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
