I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
