plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
