wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize